Wednesday, July 31, 2013

August Teaser

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Grand Dilemma

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Thursday, July 11, 2013

Snap Back! Interview the Second

Aloha, gentle readers!  Here are the answers to your kind inquiries!  Many thanks to those fab muhfuggaz who asked questions of the SCP cast, and many thanks to those of you reading!

Captain-Black-Rose: For Morgan, Bacon, and Finn separately: WHY are you trying to corrupt Kit?  Do you remember?  (Do you even remember who you work for?)

MORGAN: I know EXACTLY what I'm doing here, love.  Remember which one of us has been tempting the innocent since before you apes cooked your food.  Kit NEEDS me -- she's gotten very comfortable in that lonely little bubble of hers, without a glimpse into the sinful side of life.  I intend to pop that bubble.  With every tool I possess.  EVERY tool.

BACON: Yeeeeaahhh, see, I'm tryin' to keep the kid IN that bubble.  Kit's plenty screwed up in the coconut without any of us, okay?  But carefully driving her away from any real social attachments, convincing her that she's better off staying home eating chips and watching Destination Truth?  That's all me.

MORGAN: I'm sorry to interrupt, but I just want to make it clear what I meant when I was referring to my tool earlier.

FINN: Oh my grits an' gravy, WE GET IT.  Anyway, I shouldn't be saying this, but my job's kinda... complicated.  At the moment I'm your Class F: general irritation and patience eliminator.  I started as a Class B, but since Morgan showed up... well, I guess things changed.  As for the boss... let's just say you don't want to meet him.  I'VE never met him.  But I got close, and... well, best not to talk about it.

MORGAN: I'm talking about my glorious manhood.  Just saying.

FINN & BACON: WE GET IT!

Maeria: How was the rebirth experience for Randall?

RANDALL: O you kno it was prety grate! I kinda forgot whut hapened after I pushd Mordak an the loud sound.  I had a dream about these giyant bunnys and they were so flufy!  They had these little wigglee noses an I cudint stop lookin at them!  They had lots of ice cream and they gave me some an it tasted grate!  When I wok up, Mordak was bein nice to me.  BEST DAY EVAR.

CoGVenjo: I would like to know if Morgan has done any soul searching while hanging out at Kit's house.  If the sudden death and resurrection (of sorts) of Randall made any impact at all on him.

MORGAN: What's a Randall?  And my dear child, I haven't searched for my soul since 1720 when I hooked up with that saucy pirate strumpet, and she sailed us to Tierra del Fuego where I saw it last.  Never did find the damned thing, but I suppose that's why it's damned, no?  Truth be told, I don't miss it.  All that uncertainty, the morals... who needs it?  Not I.  Not at all.

Captain-Black-Rose: For Kit: Favorite superhero, Alice in Wonderland character, and Hanson brother.  GO.

KIT: Ooohh, favorite superhero is tough.  I'm obviously not as well versed in superheroes as my pal Adam, but I'd have to say from the bits I've read and learned, Captain Marvel (Shazam) is my favorite.  What's better than an all-powerful super strong hero who is really just a little kid in another body? 

As for Alice in Wonderland, I have to go with a cliche and say I was a Hatter girl from waaayyy back.  I was surprised to find what a huge thing it was when I got older, but something about him, his charming insanity, really stuck with me.

And well, Hanson brother, it's been Zac since I was 11.  Always will be.

Maeria: Where's Stephen?
Captain-Black-Rose: How's Stephen doing?  Has he achieved nirvana or enlightenment or bliss?  Is he any closer to being a prima donna ballerina?

STEPHEN: Oh my, two queries after me!  I am greatly honored by your compassion.  I am quite well, I thank you -- Kit has most graciously added a little temple and small pineapple in the manner of someone called Sponge Bob to my modest tank.  Though I do not require such attentions, her kindness moves me.  Nirvana and enlightenment are a lifelong pursuit, and I have much to learn.  As for bliss, such a thing is so very simple to achieve if one only observes the wonder and majesty of life all around!

BACON: So you can see why Mister Sunshine isn't in the comic a lot.  I'd like to karma him right in the face.

Maeria: Is Morgan aware that Kit batted away the perfect man and therefore should have no trouble resisting him?

MORGAN: If by "perfect man" you're referring to ME, thank you, treacle.  You should already know I am as the salted dark chocolate: irresistible for very long.

KIT: She's talking about the Perfect Man, a figment of my imagination from early on.  And he looked like Thor and spoke like Cyrano and acted like Tom Hiddleston.  So you, demon, can shove it.

MORGAN: *flipping through Snap Crackle Pop comic book* Hang on, got some research to do... 

CoGVenjo: Adam, I would like to know your favorite albums/bands and if any are significant to your feelings toward Kit.

ADAM: Well, Band of Horses, the album "Cease to Begin", I pretty much always associate with Kit.  Every time I hear it, it just brings her right to my mind.  One of my favorite records is Love: "Forever Changes", a personal favorite.  Obviously, I love David Bowie, but I can't narrow down a favorite album -- maybe "Let's Dance".  Love the Beastie Boys: "Paul's Boutique" and of course The Beatles: "Help!" has to be my favorite Beatles record, and I played it a lot for Kit when we were first getting to know each other.

Maeria: What is Kit's favorite outfit?

Kit: If I can be comfy and not look like a water buffalo, I'm a happy girl.  Generally a short dress over some soft jeans is my go-to for a good self-esteem outfit.  When I dressed like that as a kid, everyone made fun of me, but now all the chicks are doing it.  Go figure that one.

FINN: I like you in that orange dress.

KIT: Finn, that dress is way too small for my boo --- oh jeez, you sick lizard.

FINN: What?  I'm a guy, I'm not made of stone!

Noface-knitting:  Morgan: So I thought you were out just to seduce Kit, but it seems like you've got some feelings for her now... Is it love?

MORGAN: Love?  My darling, I haven't been in love in centuries.  I think I know a little better than that, at my age.  Make no mistake, my precious thing, Kit is a job, and one I happen to excel at.  Get in, corrupt, and get out, those are the rules, and I'm not about to forget them for some infantile human with a pencil behind her ear and a weakness for Pablo Neruda poetry.  I will do and say whatever it takes to break down that iceberg, make her worship me, then leave her brokenhearted so my people can claim her in her despair.  So, yes, I suppose it is love.  I love my job.

Maeria: What does Bacon eat?  (i kinda take him for a vegetarian).

BACON: I could lie, but I ain't gonna.  I love a good BLT.

FINN: But Bacon, that's a... no.  No!

BACON: Don't judge me.  I can't help that I'm delicious.

FINN: *runs to bathroom*

Captain-Black-Rose: I'd love to know your very best chocolate cake recipe.

MORDAK: YOUR LORD MORDAK SHALL FIELD THIS QUERY!  I have a most delicious and satisfying recipe for you, human.  TAKE ONE POUND OF FRESH DESPAIR, SIX CUPS OF HUMAN FEAR, THE CONCENTRATED ESSENCE OF THE SCREAMS OF THE DOOMED, AND A HEAPING SCOOP OF MY RAGE --

KIT: That'll do, Mordak.  I use the box mix but undercook it juuuust slightly.  Moist as all getout.

CoGVenjo: For Finn - Do you have any hobbies or interests that don't quite make it into the strip? Music? Movies? Crafts? Reading?

FINN: I'm actually big into gardening!  I never get time to do it cause I'm so busy destroying everything Kit touches, but back home, my tomato plants and ghost peppers were the envy of the clan!  Sometimes it's nice to take a break from demon-ing and just make something grow.

MORDAK: LIES FROM THE FORKED TONGUE OF THIS LIZARD BEAST!  Thou hast never once watered me.

FINN: You're pokey and you say mean things and you always threaten to kill me.

MORDAK: Your tears are my ambrosia.

Maeria: What will Kit do now that she knows that Finn has the hots for her too?  

WALRUS OF DENIAL: I think I should take this one.

KIT: You get out of here!  Where do you come from, anyway?

FINN: KIT KNOWS I HAVE --- ahem.  Miss, I think you must be mistaken.

KIT: Well, you did try to smooch me, bro.

FINN: No!  What?  You cray cray, girl.  I was trying to... mind meld.  With you.  To better plague you with my infernal influence.

KIT: Oh is that what that was.  Didn't know you were Vulcan.

FINN: YOU'RE Vulcan!

Anonymous: Mordak, Mordak in your pot- will I get this job after which I've sought?

MORDAK: HUMAN HUMAN, AT THE MALL
MORDAK SHALL DESTROY YOU ALL.

Maeria: Where's Perfect these days, does he keep in touch?  

KIT: Oh, you know the Perfect Man.  He's been working with wounded rescue dogs ever since he successfully performed an emergency heart transplant on a golden retriever.  He was hand-sewing shoes for an orphanage in Ghana last month, and before that I think he appeared on Supernatural.

CoGVenjo: Kit!  You were making such headway on shooing all of the demons out of your home and being more centered and then they all came piling back in like a bad case of food poisoning - what happened?  Have you decided "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em"?  Are you learning to love your demons in order to see yourself more clearly?  or did you just run out of "demon spray"?

KIT: That's complicated.  I got rid of them for a while, but they always creep their way back in.  If I pretend they're not there, they just get crazier.  But we've all got demons, you know?  For some of us, it's a bad temper, for some it's fear or impatience or apathy.  For me, it's a bunch of idiot monsters who won't get off my couch.  Loving them may never happen, but loving myself, demons and all... okay, that may never happen either.

Maeria: If each of the SCP cast were another kind of animal, what would they be?

FINN: I'd be a big, scary DRAGON!  Oh, wait.  I'm a dragon already.

BACON: Sure you are.  Like a skink-dragon.

FINN: That's a thing?  No way.  I wanna be a big bird of prey!  A falcon!  Yeah!

BACON: You look more like a cow.  I would be a pit bull.  Don't nuthin' mess with this.

MORGAN: I'm already a tiger in so many ways, particularly under the sheets.  That's what I'd be.

STEPHEN: I would dearly love to be a panda, that I might spend my days munching bamboo and contemplating the universe.

KIT: Elephant, without a doubt.  They're chill, they're smart, they love each other, and they can be badass if they need to be.

ADAM: Well, if I couldn't be the Yeti, I'd probably go gorilla.  I kinda look like one.  Plus their scientific name is gorilla gorilla, how boss is that?

MORDAK: I WOULD BE CTHULHU.

RANDALL: I'm Randall!

CoGVenjo: For Adam - You've probably seen more of Kit's demons and self-deprecating humor than anyone else and you're still sticking around. Do you feel unfazed by her apprehensions and insecurity because you have your own? Do you feel like you can handle it because you handle your own so well? Or do we just not see your demons and self-deprecation in the strip because this isn't "The Adam Show" on KIT'S comic?

ADAM: Oh, we've all got issues, that's for sure.  I have the confidence of a wet sock, and I'm pretty sure I'm the kind of nerd that drives people away with his endless banter about Aquaman and Star Trek.  I guess around Kit, I try to hold it back because I know her issues are so fierce, they're, like, right up in her face, messing up her life and eating all her cheese.  She's a cool chick, she just has problems with connecting to other people.  I haven't been able to find out why yet, but it probably has something to do with why these crazy monsters flock to her and get up in her business.  I feel like she needs someone to be sane around her, for as long as it takes.

COGVenjo: For Randal and Mordak - Do you two feel that you've grown closer since the death and resurrection of Randal?

RANDALL: O Mordak an me ar always close!  he's actual a real nice guy wunce you get past how he yells and hates everbody.  After I woke up he let me make popkorn and watch Spongebob and he even sat near me an only calld me a morawn once!

MORDAK: ALL LIES!  I was only relieved that I would not have to search for another assistant!  Randall is fool enough to follow where I lead and fetch me whatever I require to work my brilliant schemes.  It is no easy task to find an agreeable Igor.  I was simply looking forward to ordering him around more.

RANDALL: He huggd me.

MORDAK: DID NOT!

Anonymous: Has Morgan ever been (sincerely) heartbroken?

MORGAN: Once.  Joan of Arc.  I lost that girl in every way it is possible to lose one, and then some.  I wasn't myself for centuries.  But!  Ancient history.  Let's talk about my junk some more.

Woohooligan: Morgan: How big is and/or describe your junk.  Finn, same question?

MORGAN: At last!  Let me say, first of all, that you know nothing of obscene size until you've seen---

FINN: Junk?  What junk?

MORGAN: It's a human term, modern, vernacular.  I got this handbook.  It means your naughty bits, your boy toys, your precious equipment.

FINN: My LEGO collection?

MORGAN: You blasted lizard.  They want to hear about my MANHOOD.

FINN: You don't have a hood.  You barely ever wear shirts.

MORGAN: Wait a tic, you wear nothing at all.  Where are you hiding your stuff anyway?

FINN: YOU'LL NEVER FIND MY CANDYBARS!

Noface-knitting: Kit: If Snap Crackle Pop were turned into a movie, what actors would be cast to be the characters?

KIT:  Ooohh, I'd have to ask for Caroline Dhavernas from Wonderfalls (and I guess she's in this Hannibal thing?).  She's way hotter than I'll ever be, but that's what we shoot for, yeah?  plus she played a character named Kit opposite Adrien Brody, who needs to get in my bedroom YESTERDAY.

For Morgan, I'd go with Sendhil Ramamurthy, who is hotness personified, and who played Mohinder on Heroes.  Paint him green and there ya go.  Google him now.  I'd google him plenty.

MORGAN: YEAH you would.  

ADAM: Back on topic, girlfriend.

KIT: Right.  Sorry.  Adam is a tough one.  I mean, as long as I'm dreaming, I want the delectable Lee Pace.

ADAM: Not Mexican.

KIT: Diego Luna, then.

ADAM: Too angular.

KIT: Idris Elba.

ADAM: I have no problem with that.

FINN: Can I get George Clooney to play me?

BACON: And I want Deniro.

KIT: DeVito, more like.  But no, we're going full animated for you guys.  None of that cheesy Marmaduke crap, either, I want it to look like Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

BACON: No one will go see it without explosions.  I wanna be played by Vin Diesel, Finn by The Rock, get some no-name for the rest of you clowns and have me driving a Dodge Charger into a fireball.  BOOM.  Summer blockbuster.

FINN: Uh, Bacon?  Hang on, some guy named Michael Bay is on the phone?

KIT: Kill me now.

That's it for the Snap Back this time, kids! Many mahalos and big warm hugs to everyone who asked questions!  Thanks for reading, participating, and staying with me through all my crazy shenanigans!  








Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Yo Kaiju Kaiju

Hey kids, you know what's cool?  VOTING FOR MEEEEEE.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Votey!

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